After Delivery

I’m going to start off by saying that if you don’t feel an overwhelming love for your child from the moment you lay eyes on them, you’re not alone.
Giving birth is one of the most draining times, both physically and mentally, that a woman will ever do. Shortly after Yuuki was born, too fast to even wrap my mind around it, the nurses unsnapped my hospital gown and plopped her stomach-down on top of me for body warmth. I say plop, because literally it was as if she wasn’t there one second and then she was the next.

This isn’t even the weirdest part, but she was crying nonstop when she was born, and the second the nurses put her on me and our eyes met, she stopped. At least, I think that’s how it happened. I was still in shock from the actual process. I guess I must have looked it too, because one of the nurses asked if I was okay and if I wanted her to take Yuuki off me. I told her that I was fine and they could leave Yuuki there.

Here’s where the first sentence will start to make sense. I did not feel overwhelming love when Yuuki was born. I looked at her, and I was immediately thinking ‘that came out of me’ and ‘they lied when they say that you forget the pain the second you see your child’. I could remember the pain all too well. Actually, since I had an epidural, it was more like pressure. (Note: If you get an epidural, make sure to eat first, because you’re not allowed to afterwards.) All I knew was that I was relieved when she was finally out.

I’m going to be completely honest. I have never been a baby person. Before I had Yuuki, I had never changed a diaper, fed a baby, and had barely even held one. I had only held two babies before Yuuki. The first time was when the children’s pastor’s wife handed over her child to me while she went to do something during children’s church. The other time was when my best friend handed her child over to me unexpectedly. Both times, I just sat there awkwardly with no idea what to do with them.

With this knowledge, actually having a child was difficult to wrap my mind around. I almost thought that after all the doctor visits, the ultrasounds, after everything that proved that I was pregnant, that I would come to find that it was just a hysterical pregnancy. It’s strange for me to admit that, but it’s true. It did not feel real for a long time.

While she was still on me is when they birthed the placenta. All I remember is a very unpleasant tugging and pulling feeling and the relief when it was out too. I won’t say more than that. I did not see it, thank goodness.

After an hour, they took her off me and proceeded to wash and clothe her. I was just waiting in the hospital bed the entire time, watching everything happen around me. The only things I really felt were being worn out and tired. She cried the entire time they washed her.

One of the worst things was that since I had had an epidural, which numbs you from the waist down, I was not allowed to get up without a nurse there to assist me. Once I was able to, the hospital bed was remade, and I was finally able to eat at midnight. Remember, I hadn’t eaten since about 7 that morning. It honestly just took them forever to actually get the food to me. I mentioned wanting to eat almost immediately after delivery.

The other part that I really did not enjoy was that I ran a fever for awhile after delivery. Therefore, I was not allowed to shower or bathe until I was back at normal body temperature. They also would not take out my IVs. Every few hours, a nurse would come in to check my blood pressure and temperature, so I slept in about hour long blocks of time. It was not until nearly 3 or 4 in the morning when my temperature was finally back to normal, and the IVs could be taken out. It was amazing to be able to walk around freely.

I will write about the recovery process later. If you have any questions, just mention them in your comment.