There’s an amazing phenomenon that happens after a woman has a child. Within hours of sharing the news, I found multiple people branding me with a new nickname. “Mommy”, “mama” and countless other words that mean likewise suddenly became branded as part of a new identity.
Personally, I despise being called this. It’s mostly the idea that I was only a mother; that was my identity. Yes, I am a mother, but I am not only a mother. I’ve said this before.
Well, aside from the whole ‘mommy’ nickname, I also had other changes happening in my life. People would walk by and compliment on how cute Yuuki is or her chubby cheeks which she’s quickly becoming known for having. Everyone seems to think they have a right to make comments, no matter where we are. I was just at the library yesterday, and a man asked if she was reading already (or something like that). While I just laughed, I was really thinking ‘awkward’, you know in the way that everyone says it when something strange just happened. Thankfully, nobody has asked to hold her.
My husband and I have also gotten some strange looks, because he usually pushes the stroller. Honestly, he just can control it a lot better than I can, but I guess people think pushing the stroller is the mother’s job.
I’m also fairly sure that someone has probably glared at us because of how old my husband and I look. We are both 23, young to be starting a family to some, but I’ve been mistaken for a teenager my entire life, and my husband looks younger as well. I distinctly remember being glared at when I was pregnant, one of those ‘how dare you’ looks, if that makes any sense.
The plus side is that people do smile at me more. Nobody, so far, has gotten on my case for bottle feeding her, which is probably because she rarely ever eats in public. It could be because I look fairly unapproachable though. I never had strangers rub my stomach when I was pregnant either. Plenty of people asked when I was due but never to feel.
Being a mother is both good and bad for public life. I feel awkward if Yuuki starts crying in the middle of a restaurant, though we try to figure out what she needs as fast as we can. I don’t much care for the extra attention when someone sees me pushing the stroller and wants to come take a look. And what am I honestly supposed to do when somebody compliments her except smile or say ‘thank you’?
Being a mother certainly is a new world.
I have to say it come with the territory you know. Expect the unexpected I'd say.
ReplyDeleteAlissa, I think you get upset when people stop to talk to you and call you "Mommy" or "Mama" because you feel they are speaking into your life and they don't have the right to... they are strangers. The world used to be a friendlier place than it is now and older people like to reach out to the younger generation and speak encouraging words to them. Please don't take it as an insult, as I don't think that is how they mean it. People just enjoy seeing new life. It gives them hope. I think the word "Mommy" will sound much different to you the first time Yuuki says it to you. Love, Alissa's Mom (and I do like that title!) :-)
ReplyDeleteNo, these aren't people who are randomly coming up to me. These are friends my age who call me this. It's mostly online. I dislike being called 'mommy' in the same way that I hate the words 'preggers' and 'preggo'. I don't think anybody, but Yuuki and occasionally my husband (he does when talking to Yuuki), should have the right to call me that. I'm Yuuki's mother, not someone else's.
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